Even for those of us who aren't Christian, Christmas has become a time of excitement, good cheer and giving. It is that special time of the year, when everyone gets a chance to give and receive. Relationships are important, friends are important, children are important, but most of all, family is important. So what could possibly go wrong at such an auspicious occasion? As you may well know: everything!
Christmas brings out the child in each of us, for good or for ill. Add to this, much wine and a hangover from the office party and you have a recipe for disaster. So how can you avoid the Christmas pitfalls and have the best Christmas ever?
Clear out the Ghost of Christmas Past
When you have an event that repeats itself annually: New Year, your birthday, anniversary etc, this particular day develops its own history for you. Christmas in particular is important because it is an emotionally charged event that involves almost everyone. Its history begins at a young and tender age when you wait for Santa to come down the chimney, and continues annually to the present day when you are looking forward to an all night party with friends. Each year the memories collect and build. The strange (and unfortunate) thing about our memory is that many people seem to have a bias for remembering the traumatic and negative things that have happened to them. These hidden memories from the past are buried deep in the back of your mind. And then they become the basis of vague moods and non-specific fears or obsessions that lurk around in future Christmases. These are the ghosts of Christmas past. There are no prizes for guessing what happens when you harbour negative fears or hang-ups – yes, they have a magical way of reappearing in the future. So how can you stop your Christmas ghosts from haunting your house on December 25th?
Try this little exercise:
Close your eyes and count backwards from 10 to 1. As you do, imagine yourself walking down some stairs. As you walk down the stairs you are going backwards in time. When you reach number 1 you are a young child standing in front of a doorway. Behind the doorway are the ghosts of your Christmases memories - all the experiences that you are ready to let go of. Open the door and look into the past. You could see things, events, words, people, disappointments, anything or nothing. Blow into the room. As you blow, imagine a huge gust of wind coming from your mouth that blows these negative fears away. Watch them dissolve.
At this Christmas 2006, if you start to feel the familiar footsteps of those old ghosts, remember that you blew them away, and they are now gone. Take time out to quietly relax in your own mind. Even though your ghosts are laid to rest, some of your Christmas guests may not have disposed of theirs! Let these experiences wash over you and dissolve into thin air. You don't need to get involved in it - it is not your skeleton. Your closet it clean! Let others play out their own dramas and you can be an island of peace. What you will find is that your peaceful energy will draw others into a new vibration. Who wants to be battered by a hurricane of chaos when you can be sitting on an island paradise?
Free yourself from Great Expectations
The opposite to negative expectations for Christmas, is the great expectations we can harbor. This is especially a killer for romantic relationships. When you want the love of your life to fit in with your family and it doesn't happen, it can totally destroy your Christmas happiness. Or, you might be waiting for that special acknowledgement from someone and it doesn't come. Or if it does, it doesn't happen the way you want it to happen. Suddenly you are heading for a fight to the scale of relationship break-up. What is meant to be a time for singing and dancing can become a time of swearing and hurling insults that you probably don't really mean. Christmas, being such an emotionally charged time for everyone, can turn a small molehill into a major mountain. The key is to not fall into the trap of incomplete logic. For example: he didn't introduce me to his kids therefore he doesn't love me.
For some reason, Christmas makes our interpretation of events far more emotional and distorted than usual. If there is a time when we are more likely to go off the deep end, it is Christmas. To avoid these potholes of logic you need to focus on the underlying real bonds. Even if your mum is acting really weird or your partner has become a cold fish, accept that they still love you. Maybe they are just dealing with their own ghosts or trying to come to grips with their great (and often, dashed) expectations. If the deep connection was there in the first place, one Christmas brawl is not going to destroy it, any more than a rain shower can destroy a field of flowers. In the end, whatever traumas occur, if the love is there, the bond will only strengthen and grow from the challenge.
Real bonding
Christmas is a time for real bonds to occur. This is why there is a tradition of giving and receiving gifts. This is that special time of the year for spontaneous good deeds and connecting with your community. The key to these lovely Christmassy experiences is that people go beyond their small ego and connect with one another heart to heart. This is what we are all looking for at Christmas - a real feeling of bonding. Keep your eyes peeled for all the ways that people might be trying to reach out to you. Sometimes it can be the smallest thing that happens that can make your Christmas great. Even a little bird landing on your window can bring unexpected joy and a sense of wonder to you if you are open to it. When you have an open heart, it does not take much to make you happy and joyful.
To connect with someone else's heart the first step is to find a way to connect with your own heart. Then you are ready to share with others. To discover your own unique way of sharing for this Christmas try this short exercise. Close your eyes and let the first thing that comes to you be the way: a card, a smile, a great meal. You can be as creative and original as you dare!
Some simple Conflict Avoiding Rules
Rule Number 1 - Time out:
Take time out if things seem to be flaring up either within you or around you. Remember - you don't have to stand in the middle of the flames and continue to be burnt. Step aside and let things quieten down.
Rule Number 2 - Warming signs:
Read the signs. If you have a fairly good idea that your partner needs 5 rum and cokes to become a wisecracking insult machine, then watch out for the signs. Being aware of signs early can nip things in the bud. If you can't nip things in the bud then refer to rule number one!
Rule Number 3 - Accept conflict:
The reality is that when you stick a whole group of people and / or children together (particularly those who have a history with one another) there is a good chance there will be a bust up or two. So accept this and don't let it ruin your day. You don't have to stress yourself out being the peacemaker between warring sides. Simply let it happen and have a good sense of humour about issues if they do flare up. There is nothing more healing than being able to look at a situation and laugh. Or at least get on with the party when the tiff is over. The most important thing is to keep conflict in its place - which is bottom of the priority list on your best Christmas ever.
Rule Number 4: Enjoy yourself.
(No instruction required!)
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