Sun in Virgo, Moon in Cancer
This is a very harmonious relationship, because it combines practicality and common sense, with emotion and sensitivity. You are essentially hard-working and like to serve others.
Internally, you pay constant attention to detail, and this makes you a most careful worker. Because of the practicality of the sign of Virgo, sensible, necessary tasks are enjoyed and not avoided. Your desire for privacy leads to happiness at home or work, as long as you are not interrupted without notice.
You react to feelings rather than to reason, rationalizing this way of thinking as ideas instinctively obtained. You will be sympathetic and friendly but defensive toward people you like.
In love you are tender and emotional, easily offended and sad if rejected, but eager to respond to affection and return it.
Ascendant in Cancer, Moon in the Twelfth House
At the time of your birth the zodiacal sign of Cancer was ascending in the horizon. Its ruler the Moon is located in the twelfth house.
Cancer is the fourth sign of the zodiacal belt and its natives are under the rulership of the Moon. Your life will be full of changes and intermittent periods of activity and relaxation. Your vulnerability to external influences makes you subconsciously imitate the manners and ways of those with whom you relate.
In many instances, circumstances will require that you play the role of worldliness and sophistication but under the mask there will exist a very sensitive human being who is easily offended, and also very perceptive of the more subtle influences and impressions, as well as of psychic vibrations.
Cancer gives the tendency to completely retreat when hurt or frightened of a situation. This happens to you often because you tend to interfere in the affairs of others when you are not needed or wanted. Throughout your life, your responses will be emotional rather than rational.
Cancer also gives a tendency for life to be centered in the home and family; your attachment to your private and domestic habits is so strong that without them you could hardly endure. In love matters, you are emotional and gentle.
For the difficult aspects we must warn you against becoming overly preoccupied with trivial details of a psychological nature. Another tendency that you have is to flatter and to criticize carelessly, without regard for the other person's feelings.
Destiny may place you in environments where your natural traits can be best expressed. You will be happier when allowed to be occupied with searching for a person or a thing, though not necessarily in important work.
Your life possesses an aura of peculiar activities and studies realized in out-of-the-way places.
You will either live secretively or possess important secrets of another person. Your mind is greatly influenced by the sea of subconsciousness and there is an inborn love for occultism, mystery, and romantic adventures. On the other side, this position may give you a certain lack of stability and firmness in dealing with others.
Venus in the Third House
Venus was in the third house of your horoscope at the time of birth. You are keenly interested in the creative arts, and your thoughts and words are surrounded by a halo of beauty, taste, and proportion. Your mind actually feels the emotions connected with nature and the higher aspects of things human. Venus here augurs pleasant and kind relations with members of your family; the disposition of your intellect is congenial, youthful, and attractive.
The keys to a better integration of both your mental and emotional functions consist of deepening your personal relationships and of turning the mind inward so that you may be able to know the world better by means of true self-knowledge.
Sun in the Fourth House
The Sun appears in the fourth house at the time of your birth. This is an indication that parental name, family affairs and other domestic matters are of the utmost importance in your life.
Sun brings honor, pride, and fame to anything under its influence, and it is indicated that the problem of these influences here is that proper success for you cannot materialize until you are well past your mature years. There appears to exist a very strong attachment to one of your parents.
You believe in being the "ruler" in your home, and the sense of privacy is extensively developed in your nature.
As life passes you will experience illuminating insights connecting your individuality with certain racial and family elements. Study them. You will then perhaps discover the nature of the spiritual mission which destiny requires of you.
Saturn in the Sixth House
Saturn was found in your sixth house at the time of birth. This is a very faithful position. It indicates that your destiny will be fulfilled by overcoming obstacles in achieving success in your work.
In general, your work orientation and general health may be difficult at times, but you have enough willpower and stamina to make the best of them. Even if you find problems in working and you may also be distressed by your relationships with subordinates or fellow employees, you can prove your reliability by doing your duty and taking responsibility for the general work process. Most of the more unfortunate circumstances should be regarded as tests of your character and viewed in this manner, you may obtain much enrichment in your psychic life from this knowledge and experience of pain.
Moon in the Twelfth House
The Moon was in your twelfth house at the time of birth. Secretly, you enjoy a love of romance and adventure that lends a bit of excitement to your daydreaming.
It is possible that the little popularity that you may enjoy in this life will be from some very reserved and secretive circles where your merits are recognized.
It can be expected that you will be successful in positions that call for solitude or remote locations.
Personal Portrait er laget ut fra min fødesdato, tid og sted... Fra www.astro.com
mandag 31. desember 2007
søndag 23. desember 2007
Have the best Christmas ever! (and how to avoid horrendous dramas)
Even for those of us who aren't Christian, Christmas has become a time of excitement, good cheer and giving. It is that special time of the year, when everyone gets a chance to give and receive. Relationships are important, friends are important, children are important, but most of all, family is important. So what could possibly go wrong at such an auspicious occasion? As you may well know: everything!
Christmas brings out the child in each of us, for good or for ill. Add to this, much wine and a hangover from the office party and you have a recipe for disaster. So how can you avoid the Christmas pitfalls and have the best Christmas ever?
Clear out the Ghost of Christmas Past
When you have an event that repeats itself annually: New Year, your birthday, anniversary etc, this particular day develops its own history for you. Christmas in particular is important because it is an emotionally charged event that involves almost everyone. Its history begins at a young and tender age when you wait for Santa to come down the chimney, and continues annually to the present day when you are looking forward to an all night party with friends. Each year the memories collect and build. The strange (and unfortunate) thing about our memory is that many people seem to have a bias for remembering the traumatic and negative things that have happened to them. These hidden memories from the past are buried deep in the back of your mind. And then they become the basis of vague moods and non-specific fears or obsessions that lurk around in future Christmases. These are the ghosts of Christmas past. There are no prizes for guessing what happens when you harbour negative fears or hang-ups – yes, they have a magical way of reappearing in the future. So how can you stop your Christmas ghosts from haunting your house on December 25th?
Try this little exercise:
Close your eyes and count backwards from 10 to 1. As you do, imagine yourself walking down some stairs. As you walk down the stairs you are going backwards in time. When you reach number 1 you are a young child standing in front of a doorway. Behind the doorway are the ghosts of your Christmases memories - all the experiences that you are ready to let go of. Open the door and look into the past. You could see things, events, words, people, disappointments, anything or nothing. Blow into the room. As you blow, imagine a huge gust of wind coming from your mouth that blows these negative fears away. Watch them dissolve.
At this Christmas 2006, if you start to feel the familiar footsteps of those old ghosts, remember that you blew them away, and they are now gone. Take time out to quietly relax in your own mind. Even though your ghosts are laid to rest, some of your Christmas guests may not have disposed of theirs! Let these experiences wash over you and dissolve into thin air. You don't need to get involved in it - it is not your skeleton. Your closet it clean! Let others play out their own dramas and you can be an island of peace. What you will find is that your peaceful energy will draw others into a new vibration. Who wants to be battered by a hurricane of chaos when you can be sitting on an island paradise?
Free yourself from Great Expectations
The opposite to negative expectations for Christmas, is the great expectations we can harbor. This is especially a killer for romantic relationships. When you want the love of your life to fit in with your family and it doesn't happen, it can totally destroy your Christmas happiness. Or, you might be waiting for that special acknowledgement from someone and it doesn't come. Or if it does, it doesn't happen the way you want it to happen. Suddenly you are heading for a fight to the scale of relationship break-up. What is meant to be a time for singing and dancing can become a time of swearing and hurling insults that you probably don't really mean. Christmas, being such an emotionally charged time for everyone, can turn a small molehill into a major mountain. The key is to not fall into the trap of incomplete logic. For example: he didn't introduce me to his kids therefore he doesn't love me.
For some reason, Christmas makes our interpretation of events far more emotional and distorted than usual. If there is a time when we are more likely to go off the deep end, it is Christmas. To avoid these potholes of logic you need to focus on the underlying real bonds. Even if your mum is acting really weird or your partner has become a cold fish, accept that they still love you. Maybe they are just dealing with their own ghosts or trying to come to grips with their great (and often, dashed) expectations. If the deep connection was there in the first place, one Christmas brawl is not going to destroy it, any more than a rain shower can destroy a field of flowers. In the end, whatever traumas occur, if the love is there, the bond will only strengthen and grow from the challenge.
Real bonding
Christmas is a time for real bonds to occur. This is why there is a tradition of giving and receiving gifts. This is that special time of the year for spontaneous good deeds and connecting with your community. The key to these lovely Christmassy experiences is that people go beyond their small ego and connect with one another heart to heart. This is what we are all looking for at Christmas - a real feeling of bonding. Keep your eyes peeled for all the ways that people might be trying to reach out to you. Sometimes it can be the smallest thing that happens that can make your Christmas great. Even a little bird landing on your window can bring unexpected joy and a sense of wonder to you if you are open to it. When you have an open heart, it does not take much to make you happy and joyful.
To connect with someone else's heart the first step is to find a way to connect with your own heart. Then you are ready to share with others. To discover your own unique way of sharing for this Christmas try this short exercise. Close your eyes and let the first thing that comes to you be the way: a card, a smile, a great meal. You can be as creative and original as you dare!
Some simple Conflict Avoiding Rules
Rule Number 1 - Time out:
Take time out if things seem to be flaring up either within you or around you. Remember - you don't have to stand in the middle of the flames and continue to be burnt. Step aside and let things quieten down.
Rule Number 2 - Warming signs:
Read the signs. If you have a fairly good idea that your partner needs 5 rum and cokes to become a wisecracking insult machine, then watch out for the signs. Being aware of signs early can nip things in the bud. If you can't nip things in the bud then refer to rule number one!
Rule Number 3 - Accept conflict:
The reality is that when you stick a whole group of people and / or children together (particularly those who have a history with one another) there is a good chance there will be a bust up or two. So accept this and don't let it ruin your day. You don't have to stress yourself out being the peacemaker between warring sides. Simply let it happen and have a good sense of humour about issues if they do flare up. There is nothing more healing than being able to look at a situation and laugh. Or at least get on with the party when the tiff is over. The most important thing is to keep conflict in its place - which is bottom of the priority list on your best Christmas ever.
Rule Number 4: Enjoy yourself.
(No instruction required!)
Christmas brings out the child in each of us, for good or for ill. Add to this, much wine and a hangover from the office party and you have a recipe for disaster. So how can you avoid the Christmas pitfalls and have the best Christmas ever?
Clear out the Ghost of Christmas Past
When you have an event that repeats itself annually: New Year, your birthday, anniversary etc, this particular day develops its own history for you. Christmas in particular is important because it is an emotionally charged event that involves almost everyone. Its history begins at a young and tender age when you wait for Santa to come down the chimney, and continues annually to the present day when you are looking forward to an all night party with friends. Each year the memories collect and build. The strange (and unfortunate) thing about our memory is that many people seem to have a bias for remembering the traumatic and negative things that have happened to them. These hidden memories from the past are buried deep in the back of your mind. And then they become the basis of vague moods and non-specific fears or obsessions that lurk around in future Christmases. These are the ghosts of Christmas past. There are no prizes for guessing what happens when you harbour negative fears or hang-ups – yes, they have a magical way of reappearing in the future. So how can you stop your Christmas ghosts from haunting your house on December 25th?
Try this little exercise:
Close your eyes and count backwards from 10 to 1. As you do, imagine yourself walking down some stairs. As you walk down the stairs you are going backwards in time. When you reach number 1 you are a young child standing in front of a doorway. Behind the doorway are the ghosts of your Christmases memories - all the experiences that you are ready to let go of. Open the door and look into the past. You could see things, events, words, people, disappointments, anything or nothing. Blow into the room. As you blow, imagine a huge gust of wind coming from your mouth that blows these negative fears away. Watch them dissolve.
At this Christmas 2006, if you start to feel the familiar footsteps of those old ghosts, remember that you blew them away, and they are now gone. Take time out to quietly relax in your own mind. Even though your ghosts are laid to rest, some of your Christmas guests may not have disposed of theirs! Let these experiences wash over you and dissolve into thin air. You don't need to get involved in it - it is not your skeleton. Your closet it clean! Let others play out their own dramas and you can be an island of peace. What you will find is that your peaceful energy will draw others into a new vibration. Who wants to be battered by a hurricane of chaos when you can be sitting on an island paradise?
Free yourself from Great Expectations
The opposite to negative expectations for Christmas, is the great expectations we can harbor. This is especially a killer for romantic relationships. When you want the love of your life to fit in with your family and it doesn't happen, it can totally destroy your Christmas happiness. Or, you might be waiting for that special acknowledgement from someone and it doesn't come. Or if it does, it doesn't happen the way you want it to happen. Suddenly you are heading for a fight to the scale of relationship break-up. What is meant to be a time for singing and dancing can become a time of swearing and hurling insults that you probably don't really mean. Christmas, being such an emotionally charged time for everyone, can turn a small molehill into a major mountain. The key is to not fall into the trap of incomplete logic. For example: he didn't introduce me to his kids therefore he doesn't love me.
For some reason, Christmas makes our interpretation of events far more emotional and distorted than usual. If there is a time when we are more likely to go off the deep end, it is Christmas. To avoid these potholes of logic you need to focus on the underlying real bonds. Even if your mum is acting really weird or your partner has become a cold fish, accept that they still love you. Maybe they are just dealing with their own ghosts or trying to come to grips with their great (and often, dashed) expectations. If the deep connection was there in the first place, one Christmas brawl is not going to destroy it, any more than a rain shower can destroy a field of flowers. In the end, whatever traumas occur, if the love is there, the bond will only strengthen and grow from the challenge.
Real bonding
Christmas is a time for real bonds to occur. This is why there is a tradition of giving and receiving gifts. This is that special time of the year for spontaneous good deeds and connecting with your community. The key to these lovely Christmassy experiences is that people go beyond their small ego and connect with one another heart to heart. This is what we are all looking for at Christmas - a real feeling of bonding. Keep your eyes peeled for all the ways that people might be trying to reach out to you. Sometimes it can be the smallest thing that happens that can make your Christmas great. Even a little bird landing on your window can bring unexpected joy and a sense of wonder to you if you are open to it. When you have an open heart, it does not take much to make you happy and joyful.
To connect with someone else's heart the first step is to find a way to connect with your own heart. Then you are ready to share with others. To discover your own unique way of sharing for this Christmas try this short exercise. Close your eyes and let the first thing that comes to you be the way: a card, a smile, a great meal. You can be as creative and original as you dare!
Some simple Conflict Avoiding Rules
Rule Number 1 - Time out:
Take time out if things seem to be flaring up either within you or around you. Remember - you don't have to stand in the middle of the flames and continue to be burnt. Step aside and let things quieten down.
Rule Number 2 - Warming signs:
Read the signs. If you have a fairly good idea that your partner needs 5 rum and cokes to become a wisecracking insult machine, then watch out for the signs. Being aware of signs early can nip things in the bud. If you can't nip things in the bud then refer to rule number one!
Rule Number 3 - Accept conflict:
The reality is that when you stick a whole group of people and / or children together (particularly those who have a history with one another) there is a good chance there will be a bust up or two. So accept this and don't let it ruin your day. You don't have to stress yourself out being the peacemaker between warring sides. Simply let it happen and have a good sense of humour about issues if they do flare up. There is nothing more healing than being able to look at a situation and laugh. Or at least get on with the party when the tiff is over. The most important thing is to keep conflict in its place - which is bottom of the priority list on your best Christmas ever.
Rule Number 4: Enjoy yourself.
(No instruction required!)
tirsdag 18. desember 2007
Forgiveness works! It is often difficult, AND it works!
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
We often think of forgiveness as something that someone who has done us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way of looking at something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. To not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die!
Alexander Pope once said, "To err is human; to forgive, Divine." Believe it!
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: "Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter?" If the answer is "No," then that's it! All is forgiven.
Forgiveness is an act of the imagination. It dares you to imagine a better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you can survive the pain and grow from it.
Telling someone is a bonus! It is not necessary for forgiveness to begin the process that heals the hurt. Forgiveness has little or nothing to do with another person because forgiveness is an internal matter.
Choice is always present in forgiveness. You do not have to forgive AND there are consequences. Refusing to forgive by holding on to the anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal can make your own life miserable. A vindictive mind-set creates bitterness and lets the betrayer claim one more victim.
There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven. Nothing!
We often think of forgiveness as something that someone who has done us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way of looking at something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you focus on offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. To not forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die!
Alexander Pope once said, "To err is human; to forgive, Divine." Believe it!
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: "Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter?" If the answer is "No," then that's it! All is forgiven.
Forgiveness is an act of the imagination. It dares you to imagine a better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you can survive the pain and grow from it.
Telling someone is a bonus! It is not necessary for forgiveness to begin the process that heals the hurt. Forgiveness has little or nothing to do with another person because forgiveness is an internal matter.
Choice is always present in forgiveness. You do not have to forgive AND there are consequences. Refusing to forgive by holding on to the anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal can make your own life miserable. A vindictive mind-set creates bitterness and lets the betrayer claim one more victim.
There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven. Nothing!
onsdag 12. desember 2007
Techniques for improving your intuition
1. Relaxation...
You can learn how to relax and follow the feeling that goes with the intuition. This is the fundamental practice in any psychic or intuitive work. As you practice relaxing more and more when an intuition comes to you, you will discover that you can hold onto the feeling of it for longer and longer periods. This gives you more time to explore the intuition before it starts to fade away back down into your subconscious mind.
2. Expand your senses...
You can also learn which of the senses you seem to favour in how your body responds or reacts. Intuition relies on your senses to give you the message that something is happening and you need to take notice. Although intuition development teaches you how to understand all your senses, you'll find that you favour one of your senses in the way that your intuitions communicate their messages to you. With practice, you might discover that your sense of seeing within, or clairvoyance, is the way your intuition communicates most strongly to you. Of course, you'll need to study your other intuitive senses, such as clairaudience and clairsentience, in order to discover which sensory pathway is the way you favour.
3. Journaling
You can write about your intuitions, as a way of getting them out into the open. Writing in a workbook or special intuition journal is a very effective means of exploring your intuitions. I recommend that you write what comes to you at the end of track three in particular. Intuitions often come to you in a special context that will not be quite the same again, so it is best to capture them at the time they happen.
4. Intuition in Action
You might be talking to a work colleague and something flashes before your eyes. Instead of leaving it until later to make sense of, pause for a moment, take the feeling within you and relax into it. Even if the understanding doesn't come right then, you are practising giving the intuition the focus it is looking for from you. That is where the relaxation on track two is an effective way to go deeper into your subconscious mind.
You can learn how to relax and follow the feeling that goes with the intuition. This is the fundamental practice in any psychic or intuitive work. As you practice relaxing more and more when an intuition comes to you, you will discover that you can hold onto the feeling of it for longer and longer periods. This gives you more time to explore the intuition before it starts to fade away back down into your subconscious mind.
2. Expand your senses...
You can also learn which of the senses you seem to favour in how your body responds or reacts. Intuition relies on your senses to give you the message that something is happening and you need to take notice. Although intuition development teaches you how to understand all your senses, you'll find that you favour one of your senses in the way that your intuitions communicate their messages to you. With practice, you might discover that your sense of seeing within, or clairvoyance, is the way your intuition communicates most strongly to you. Of course, you'll need to study your other intuitive senses, such as clairaudience and clairsentience, in order to discover which sensory pathway is the way you favour.
3. Journaling
You can write about your intuitions, as a way of getting them out into the open. Writing in a workbook or special intuition journal is a very effective means of exploring your intuitions. I recommend that you write what comes to you at the end of track three in particular. Intuitions often come to you in a special context that will not be quite the same again, so it is best to capture them at the time they happen.
4. Intuition in Action
You might be talking to a work colleague and something flashes before your eyes. Instead of leaving it until later to make sense of, pause for a moment, take the feeling within you and relax into it. Even if the understanding doesn't come right then, you are practising giving the intuition the focus it is looking for from you. That is where the relaxation on track two is an effective way to go deeper into your subconscious mind.
tirsdag 27. november 2007
How can you trust your feelings?
How do we know if what we feel for someone is real and how can we know if it will be lasting? In the world of relationships, “feelings”, for want of a better word, are the currency that makes things move up and down, backwards and forwards, inside and out. When we have feelings for someone, we can be overcome with joy, inspiration and excitement as we experience the full force of our feelings of love and attraction.
Yet, before we know it, we can start feeling anxiety and insecurities if these feelings somehow don’t match with the reality we afford them. So what does this mean? Does it mean that our feelings have tricked us? Have we done something to warrant another change of feeling? If feelings can switch so quickly, how can we ever trust how we feel?
These are questions to which there are no “easy” answers. But there are ways we can experience our feelings, which will mean there is less room for huge drops and losses. At the same time, we may need to be willing to forgo the huge dizzy heights that make those rock bottom experiences even more pronounced.
Dealing with Expectations
One of the biggest issues when it comes to having deep feelings for another person is the expectation that arises within these feelings. Obviously when we love someone deeply, and they appear to share this same love and affection, the feelings tend to enhance each other. Yet within this very sensitive state, we can become acutely aware of all the subtle nuances of that person’s feelings. So the moment there is a slight deviation from the good feelings we want, we sense this and often what we sense is magnified out of proportion.
An all to familiar spiral of emotional events can then take place: They pull back - we move forward; they become more distant - we become more anxious; until eventually, all those great feelings that once moved so freely have now been replaced by their coldness and distance and your fear and anxiety.
In the mourning and licking of wounds period afterwards, we can then start to ask ourselves these very basic question: How could something that felt so right and so mutual suddenly disappear in a spiral of fear. Were my feelings all wrong and misplaced? How can someone go from being in love with me to suddenly not seeming to care any more. The answers to these questions come down to the nature of life and the nature of feelings. It’s normal and natural to want to hold on to something that makes us feel good inside. But that desire doesn’t reconcile with the fact that in life, everything changes. We didn’t know this person, we met them, we fell in love. The change from not knowing to knowing them is a change we are happy to accept and embrace. The change then of them leaving our life is still part of the moving and changing flow of life but because it doesn’t favour us, we suddenly stop embracing and starting retreating.
So the first thing to help you in understanding your feelings and how they work is to accept, as simple as it sounds, that everything in life changes. Sometimes it works for us and sometimes it doesn’t. The more we accept this and try to work with this flow of change, rather then resist it, the happier we’ll be and the less energy we will have wasted.
Life doesn't always fit into a box
This same understanding links into a deeper fact that sometimes what we think is right for us, sometimes simply isn’t. Life does work in mysterious ways, and often our minds try to control life to fit into a box that suits us. Relationships are a particular aspect where this occurs frequently.
The fact is that sometimes you have to accept that you don’t know or have the answers.
What you can know is that you gave to someone wholeheartedly, that you loved someone with warmth and sincerity. What happens after that we don’t often have much control over. As you embrace this and trust that all you can do in life and relationships is give your whole self to who ever and what ever you do, then these questions to varying degrees will become irrelevant, as you move into a universe that’s not geared to getting what you want, but a universe that supports what you give. In the end, when it comes to the currency of feelings, you will no doubt end up a rich person.
Yet, before we know it, we can start feeling anxiety and insecurities if these feelings somehow don’t match with the reality we afford them. So what does this mean? Does it mean that our feelings have tricked us? Have we done something to warrant another change of feeling? If feelings can switch so quickly, how can we ever trust how we feel?
These are questions to which there are no “easy” answers. But there are ways we can experience our feelings, which will mean there is less room for huge drops and losses. At the same time, we may need to be willing to forgo the huge dizzy heights that make those rock bottom experiences even more pronounced.
Dealing with Expectations
One of the biggest issues when it comes to having deep feelings for another person is the expectation that arises within these feelings. Obviously when we love someone deeply, and they appear to share this same love and affection, the feelings tend to enhance each other. Yet within this very sensitive state, we can become acutely aware of all the subtle nuances of that person’s feelings. So the moment there is a slight deviation from the good feelings we want, we sense this and often what we sense is magnified out of proportion.
An all to familiar spiral of emotional events can then take place: They pull back - we move forward; they become more distant - we become more anxious; until eventually, all those great feelings that once moved so freely have now been replaced by their coldness and distance and your fear and anxiety.
In the mourning and licking of wounds period afterwards, we can then start to ask ourselves these very basic question: How could something that felt so right and so mutual suddenly disappear in a spiral of fear. Were my feelings all wrong and misplaced? How can someone go from being in love with me to suddenly not seeming to care any more. The answers to these questions come down to the nature of life and the nature of feelings. It’s normal and natural to want to hold on to something that makes us feel good inside. But that desire doesn’t reconcile with the fact that in life, everything changes. We didn’t know this person, we met them, we fell in love. The change from not knowing to knowing them is a change we are happy to accept and embrace. The change then of them leaving our life is still part of the moving and changing flow of life but because it doesn’t favour us, we suddenly stop embracing and starting retreating.
So the first thing to help you in understanding your feelings and how they work is to accept, as simple as it sounds, that everything in life changes. Sometimes it works for us and sometimes it doesn’t. The more we accept this and try to work with this flow of change, rather then resist it, the happier we’ll be and the less energy we will have wasted.
Life doesn't always fit into a box
This same understanding links into a deeper fact that sometimes what we think is right for us, sometimes simply isn’t. Life does work in mysterious ways, and often our minds try to control life to fit into a box that suits us. Relationships are a particular aspect where this occurs frequently.
The fact is that sometimes you have to accept that you don’t know or have the answers.
What you can know is that you gave to someone wholeheartedly, that you loved someone with warmth and sincerity. What happens after that we don’t often have much control over. As you embrace this and trust that all you can do in life and relationships is give your whole self to who ever and what ever you do, then these questions to varying degrees will become irrelevant, as you move into a universe that’s not geared to getting what you want, but a universe that supports what you give. In the end, when it comes to the currency of feelings, you will no doubt end up a rich person.
onsdag 21. november 2007
Finding your soulmate, finding yourself.
The concept of the 'soul mate' means finding somebody who 'completes' you, like two pieces of a puzzle fitting together or a lock and key that opens the door to a new world. In a way this is true - there are relationships that push you through personal growth and transformation. Once you have walked this path, everything is different - you have changed and the world has changed for you. These relationships can be like catalysts - whizzing into your life and turning everything upside down. But what happens next? Do these life-changing people have to disappear out of your life?
Why do we crave the other half?
What is it we find in this other person that makes it so hard to exist without them? Just like Romeo and Juliette, we cast ourselves as one half of a whole that can't function independently. After entering into such a deep affair, being left can make you feel suicidal, despairing and deeply depressed. Going back to a 'normal' life seems like going back to watching black and white television instead of plasma colour. It is unappealing to say the least. However, we all know in the end 'time heals’ and life goes back to normal. You wonder how you will live without the intensity of your lover, but of course, you do.
This is the most frightening thing of all: should you even give it a chance. Usually after such an experience of being in love, the answer is NO. Or even if you want to, there are many walls and fortresses around you. It is never the same the second time around. We become frightened and resistant to the experience we no longer trust. If you do happen to fall - all you want is reassurance: Will it be worth it in the end? Will we end up together? Will it last? The need to hold on to this love object can become almost obsessional. The thought that they may sail out of your life, never to be seen again, is terrifying. You imagine going through the rest of your life with unresolved feelings. Somehow, the plan is that if you can get through the challenges, fears, difficulties, break-ups and make-ups, you will then be able to establish a solid ground upon which to build a future. It seems like a pipe dream, but in a way it is the only dream you have. Cutting off the feelings is akin to cutting off one of your limbs - purposeless and unbearably painful.
What is this psychological process so powerful that can grip our hearts?
You may think you can release yourself simply through struggle or persisting in your efforts to bring the relationship together - but you will only sink further into the quicksand you are standing in. There is a way - but it is not an easy path. It requires you to let go, to be honest with yourself, to have the courage to open your heart and strength to rise above the games and petty power struggles. Many books have been written: ‘He's just not that into you’, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’, and the advice within these books will just crumble in the face of the intensity of feelings you experience in this sort of bond. Pop psychology has its place and can at times be very empowering to help you to shift your perspective on things. However deep emotional changes require a deeper level of insight.
What Jung says about projection?
Psychologist Carl Jung reveals a hidden psychological process, which he calls 'projection'. This process can explain a lot of behaviour and psychological distress. Essentially, Jung felt that we all project aspects of ourselves out there into the world, into other people, and then struggle to unite with these missing parts.
Jung argues that we project the qualities that we ourselves possess out there into someone or something else. He names two major projections that people possess: the Anima and the Animus. The Anima is a man's projection of 'woman' and the Animus is the woman's projection of 'man'. So where do these projections comes from? Well, the anima and animus, for example, develop during childhood. As you grow up as a little boy or little girl, you develop your gender identity as male or female. In order to be female, you must block off the male aspects / qualities that you possess and identify more strongly with the female qualities, and vice versa for the male. This process of denying, suppressing and controlling these other unexpressed feelings, qualities and parts of the self, lead you to feel incomplete, empty and unfulfilled. In effect, you are not truly being your whole self.
Jung believed that this leads people to see in an 'other' what is denied, repressed and controlled within themselves. So you search for your missing self in the other.
Do soul mates really exist?
I am not saying that a soul mate is simply a projection of a part of you into someone else. I think this explanation misses a very essential and important aspect to our existence: Our Oneness.
The Oneness is a strange concept in our modern individualistic world view. Yet the idea of the oneness of all things exists in all major spiritual and religious traditions. In the Oneness, we do share qualities. We are everything but we also share everything. So it is true that I may be a woman and you may be a man. I am not stuck in this identity and neither are you - because in the Oneness we are everything - but at the same time we’re not only One. Jung suggests that the psychological is all there is. Everything is within and there is nothing without. I agree that everything is within, but also there is a sharing with the universe too. It is this state of open sharing that we are trying to return to.
Obsession, attachment, possession, loss, abandonment - all these feelings are related to a sense of separation from the whole. I see the process of healing as two fold:
1. To connect with the universe through relationship with yourself
2. To share with the universe through relationship with others
Effectively this means releasing attachments, identifying areas of suppression, control, and knowing your projections so you can then create a clear pathway of interaction with an 'other'. In a word: it means self-knowledge. You can't know if you are connecting with a real feeling for someone else until you know yourself. Then when you form relationships, they are based on real creativity and appreciation of another person rather than being drawn to them because they are a reflection of your 'lost' self.
Ultimately, this is the goal of all relationships - to join together in a way that honours both people and in a way which is creative and harmonious. Once you feel that sense of connectedness, you can embrace love, be in harmony with your lover, and see the big picture of your destiny once more. But in order to reach this 'light' you must enter into the tunnel and discover its depths and follow its twists and turns. This is not a journey to take lightly, but one we are all destined to make at one point or another - because the pull of love is simply too strong.
Why do we crave the other half?
What is it we find in this other person that makes it so hard to exist without them? Just like Romeo and Juliette, we cast ourselves as one half of a whole that can't function independently. After entering into such a deep affair, being left can make you feel suicidal, despairing and deeply depressed. Going back to a 'normal' life seems like going back to watching black and white television instead of plasma colour. It is unappealing to say the least. However, we all know in the end 'time heals’ and life goes back to normal. You wonder how you will live without the intensity of your lover, but of course, you do.
This is the most frightening thing of all: should you even give it a chance. Usually after such an experience of being in love, the answer is NO. Or even if you want to, there are many walls and fortresses around you. It is never the same the second time around. We become frightened and resistant to the experience we no longer trust. If you do happen to fall - all you want is reassurance: Will it be worth it in the end? Will we end up together? Will it last? The need to hold on to this love object can become almost obsessional. The thought that they may sail out of your life, never to be seen again, is terrifying. You imagine going through the rest of your life with unresolved feelings. Somehow, the plan is that if you can get through the challenges, fears, difficulties, break-ups and make-ups, you will then be able to establish a solid ground upon which to build a future. It seems like a pipe dream, but in a way it is the only dream you have. Cutting off the feelings is akin to cutting off one of your limbs - purposeless and unbearably painful.
What is this psychological process so powerful that can grip our hearts?
You may think you can release yourself simply through struggle or persisting in your efforts to bring the relationship together - but you will only sink further into the quicksand you are standing in. There is a way - but it is not an easy path. It requires you to let go, to be honest with yourself, to have the courage to open your heart and strength to rise above the games and petty power struggles. Many books have been written: ‘He's just not that into you’, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’, and the advice within these books will just crumble in the face of the intensity of feelings you experience in this sort of bond. Pop psychology has its place and can at times be very empowering to help you to shift your perspective on things. However deep emotional changes require a deeper level of insight.
What Jung says about projection?
Psychologist Carl Jung reveals a hidden psychological process, which he calls 'projection'. This process can explain a lot of behaviour and psychological distress. Essentially, Jung felt that we all project aspects of ourselves out there into the world, into other people, and then struggle to unite with these missing parts.
Jung argues that we project the qualities that we ourselves possess out there into someone or something else. He names two major projections that people possess: the Anima and the Animus. The Anima is a man's projection of 'woman' and the Animus is the woman's projection of 'man'. So where do these projections comes from? Well, the anima and animus, for example, develop during childhood. As you grow up as a little boy or little girl, you develop your gender identity as male or female. In order to be female, you must block off the male aspects / qualities that you possess and identify more strongly with the female qualities, and vice versa for the male. This process of denying, suppressing and controlling these other unexpressed feelings, qualities and parts of the self, lead you to feel incomplete, empty and unfulfilled. In effect, you are not truly being your whole self.
Jung believed that this leads people to see in an 'other' what is denied, repressed and controlled within themselves. So you search for your missing self in the other.
Do soul mates really exist?
I am not saying that a soul mate is simply a projection of a part of you into someone else. I think this explanation misses a very essential and important aspect to our existence: Our Oneness.
The Oneness is a strange concept in our modern individualistic world view. Yet the idea of the oneness of all things exists in all major spiritual and religious traditions. In the Oneness, we do share qualities. We are everything but we also share everything. So it is true that I may be a woman and you may be a man. I am not stuck in this identity and neither are you - because in the Oneness we are everything - but at the same time we’re not only One. Jung suggests that the psychological is all there is. Everything is within and there is nothing without. I agree that everything is within, but also there is a sharing with the universe too. It is this state of open sharing that we are trying to return to.
Obsession, attachment, possession, loss, abandonment - all these feelings are related to a sense of separation from the whole. I see the process of healing as two fold:
1. To connect with the universe through relationship with yourself
2. To share with the universe through relationship with others
Effectively this means releasing attachments, identifying areas of suppression, control, and knowing your projections so you can then create a clear pathway of interaction with an 'other'. In a word: it means self-knowledge. You can't know if you are connecting with a real feeling for someone else until you know yourself. Then when you form relationships, they are based on real creativity and appreciation of another person rather than being drawn to them because they are a reflection of your 'lost' self.
Ultimately, this is the goal of all relationships - to join together in a way that honours both people and in a way which is creative and harmonious. Once you feel that sense of connectedness, you can embrace love, be in harmony with your lover, and see the big picture of your destiny once more. But in order to reach this 'light' you must enter into the tunnel and discover its depths and follow its twists and turns. This is not a journey to take lightly, but one we are all destined to make at one point or another - because the pull of love is simply too strong.
fredag 2. november 2007
Jealousy - Are you turning into the green eyed monster?
When you are feeling jealous, there are usually two questions you have: is your partner really cheating on you or is it all just in your mind?
This is a major dilemma. It can make you doubt yourself and your intuition about what is going on. Is it an intuition or is it just a fear? Is s/he or isn't s/he? Sometimes you can have suspicions or know something is going to happen long before anything actually occurs. At other times you can be reading far too much into little gestures and situations. How can you find the truth?
Obsessive attempts to uncover the truth can cause you to lose your confidence. As feelings of jealousy escalate, they can lead you to do things, that in ordinary circumstances, you simply wouldn't do. You might search through email accounts, phone messages, check the distances travelled on the mileage clock of your partner’s car, credit card receipts and the like. And all in a desperate attempt to uncover the truth. You can become like a mad person on a witch hunt, determined to prove that you are correct. This will just increase the doubts, because no matter how much proof you think you have, beyond seeing it with your own eyes or a confession from your partner - you are never going to be totally sure if s/he is or s/he isn't.
Is she or isn't she?
The second side-effect of the ‘is s/he or isn’t s/he?’ duality is that it usually stamps out real attempts to communicate with your partner. When you are jealous, feelings of distrust, anger and fear block honest communication. If indeed your partner is having an affair, or fancies someone else, they are unlikely to share it in this environment. Conversely, if they are innocent, you will be unlikely to believe their protestations.
What is the way forward when you’re in the grip of romantic jealousy?
The real issue of jealousy is much deeper than this duality: is s/he or isn't s/he. Jealousy is a reaction to a real or perceived threat. Whether or not the threat is real, jealousy is not the best reaction. It is part of our human conditioning - so most of us will experience jealousy at one point in our lives. Some people experience jealous reactions so deeply they feel driven to commit crimes. Other people may only feel a twinge of jealousy. Wherever your experiences are along the continuum of jealousy, you face the same challenge: discovering a more harmonious reaction.
Resolve your inner fear.
A lot of jealous feelings are rooted in fear of the future. Paradoxically, fears of the future come from the past! Your previous experiences leave expectations and memories in your body that will be triggered when you face a similar emotional situation. Sometimes your fear can feel like your friend, protecting you from pain and humiliation - but be clear - fear is never your friend. Fear is a limited response based on mistrusting the universe and ultimately mistrusting your own soul. Old fears hang around and limit your potential and keep you focused on the old mistakes. When you let go of fear your senses become alert, your intuition is sharpened and you move into new territory in your life, effectively moving away from the pain of the past.
What to watch for?
Have you been cheated on or betrayed before?
These old ghosts may be distorting your perspective and making you read into things. If you have been duped before, you could be on the alert of being betrayed again. It is important to make sure your new partner is not paying for the crimes of your past lovers!
Did you have a childhood that featured abandonment?
If you do not have a strong sense of security from your early childhood, this can make you hyper-sensitive to threats in the future. You could be more likely than others to believe and expect the worst. This does not necessarily have to be the case. You could have issues in your childhood that are fully resolved now and you have grown from them - however if you have not examined some of your past then these expectations could be distorting your view now.
Connect through communication.
As I mentioned earlier, the only way to resolve your suspicions is to talk openly with your partner. If you are experiencing jealousy, sometimes you could be right - there may be something going on. But often you will find you are picking up that something is wrong in general. There is no point in trying to suppress these warning signs. The challenge is not to respond with fear but to respond with curiosity, to find out how your partner really feels. This will immediately open the doors of communication, because you are putting the emphasis in the right place: what is the underlying feeling or issue. It will also create room for your partner to be open with you.
The advantage of putting the focus on what they are feeling about the relationship and themselves, rather than focusing on all the evidence you have uncovered, is that it will give you the potential to heal your relationship. Of course there is the possibility your partner will not share and open up. Then you will have to consider where the relationship is going because without openness and talking the relationship will falter and die.
Are you in denial?
If you are frightened of finding out how your partner is feeling you could be even blocking their attempts to communicate their issues. This can result in a situation when they are saying things to you and you are making excuses for them in your mind rather than hearing what they are saying. If you find yourself having conversations with yourself in your head about your partner and what their reasons may be, it is important to recognize that this is denying them the opportunity to open up to you and share what is really going on.
Can you listen?
Listening is not the same as healing - any good counsellor will tell you that. It is important that when you communicate with your partner you make a decision to actually listen. If you think you already know what is happening, there is a danger you will jump in with your beliefs and assessments without actually listening to what they are saying.
Are you asking the right questions?
Remember what you are fighting for: a good, healthy and honourable relationship. Stick to the fundamentals. Getting sidetracked into a slinging match will only drag your self-esteem down even further. Be careful to find out how your partner actually feels about the relationship. What the issues might be. If he/she is having doubts and then if it is heading that way: ask the million dollar question clearly and directly: are you seeing someone else. Or do you want to.
Be confident in your destiny
Whatever the outcome - this is your life and your destiny. If you are meant to be with your partner then this will unfold. You will work through the problems and be closer as a result of it.
If you are lead down another path - trust yourself, trust your destiny. You have other greater things awaiting you and you are being guided to take this new path.
by Michelle Walter
This is a major dilemma. It can make you doubt yourself and your intuition about what is going on. Is it an intuition or is it just a fear? Is s/he or isn't s/he? Sometimes you can have suspicions or know something is going to happen long before anything actually occurs. At other times you can be reading far too much into little gestures and situations. How can you find the truth?
Obsessive attempts to uncover the truth can cause you to lose your confidence. As feelings of jealousy escalate, they can lead you to do things, that in ordinary circumstances, you simply wouldn't do. You might search through email accounts, phone messages, check the distances travelled on the mileage clock of your partner’s car, credit card receipts and the like. And all in a desperate attempt to uncover the truth. You can become like a mad person on a witch hunt, determined to prove that you are correct. This will just increase the doubts, because no matter how much proof you think you have, beyond seeing it with your own eyes or a confession from your partner - you are never going to be totally sure if s/he is or s/he isn't.
Is she or isn't she?
The second side-effect of the ‘is s/he or isn’t s/he?’ duality is that it usually stamps out real attempts to communicate with your partner. When you are jealous, feelings of distrust, anger and fear block honest communication. If indeed your partner is having an affair, or fancies someone else, they are unlikely to share it in this environment. Conversely, if they are innocent, you will be unlikely to believe their protestations.
What is the way forward when you’re in the grip of romantic jealousy?
The real issue of jealousy is much deeper than this duality: is s/he or isn't s/he. Jealousy is a reaction to a real or perceived threat. Whether or not the threat is real, jealousy is not the best reaction. It is part of our human conditioning - so most of us will experience jealousy at one point in our lives. Some people experience jealous reactions so deeply they feel driven to commit crimes. Other people may only feel a twinge of jealousy. Wherever your experiences are along the continuum of jealousy, you face the same challenge: discovering a more harmonious reaction.
Resolve your inner fear.
A lot of jealous feelings are rooted in fear of the future. Paradoxically, fears of the future come from the past! Your previous experiences leave expectations and memories in your body that will be triggered when you face a similar emotional situation. Sometimes your fear can feel like your friend, protecting you from pain and humiliation - but be clear - fear is never your friend. Fear is a limited response based on mistrusting the universe and ultimately mistrusting your own soul. Old fears hang around and limit your potential and keep you focused on the old mistakes. When you let go of fear your senses become alert, your intuition is sharpened and you move into new territory in your life, effectively moving away from the pain of the past.
What to watch for?
Have you been cheated on or betrayed before?
These old ghosts may be distorting your perspective and making you read into things. If you have been duped before, you could be on the alert of being betrayed again. It is important to make sure your new partner is not paying for the crimes of your past lovers!
Did you have a childhood that featured abandonment?
If you do not have a strong sense of security from your early childhood, this can make you hyper-sensitive to threats in the future. You could be more likely than others to believe and expect the worst. This does not necessarily have to be the case. You could have issues in your childhood that are fully resolved now and you have grown from them - however if you have not examined some of your past then these expectations could be distorting your view now.
Connect through communication.
As I mentioned earlier, the only way to resolve your suspicions is to talk openly with your partner. If you are experiencing jealousy, sometimes you could be right - there may be something going on. But often you will find you are picking up that something is wrong in general. There is no point in trying to suppress these warning signs. The challenge is not to respond with fear but to respond with curiosity, to find out how your partner really feels. This will immediately open the doors of communication, because you are putting the emphasis in the right place: what is the underlying feeling or issue. It will also create room for your partner to be open with you.
The advantage of putting the focus on what they are feeling about the relationship and themselves, rather than focusing on all the evidence you have uncovered, is that it will give you the potential to heal your relationship. Of course there is the possibility your partner will not share and open up. Then you will have to consider where the relationship is going because without openness and talking the relationship will falter and die.
Are you in denial?
If you are frightened of finding out how your partner is feeling you could be even blocking their attempts to communicate their issues. This can result in a situation when they are saying things to you and you are making excuses for them in your mind rather than hearing what they are saying. If you find yourself having conversations with yourself in your head about your partner and what their reasons may be, it is important to recognize that this is denying them the opportunity to open up to you and share what is really going on.
Can you listen?
Listening is not the same as healing - any good counsellor will tell you that. It is important that when you communicate with your partner you make a decision to actually listen. If you think you already know what is happening, there is a danger you will jump in with your beliefs and assessments without actually listening to what they are saying.
Are you asking the right questions?
Remember what you are fighting for: a good, healthy and honourable relationship. Stick to the fundamentals. Getting sidetracked into a slinging match will only drag your self-esteem down even further. Be careful to find out how your partner actually feels about the relationship. What the issues might be. If he/she is having doubts and then if it is heading that way: ask the million dollar question clearly and directly: are you seeing someone else. Or do you want to.
Be confident in your destiny
Whatever the outcome - this is your life and your destiny. If you are meant to be with your partner then this will unfold. You will work through the problems and be closer as a result of it.
If you are lead down another path - trust yourself, trust your destiny. You have other greater things awaiting you and you are being guided to take this new path.
by Michelle Walter
Abonner på:
Innlegg (Atom)